Does height really matter?

Los Angeles Matchmaker, Julie Ferman. CEO of Cupids CoachMy Client, Diana asked me today if each of the 1144 women I’ve married off is partnered with a “taller” man.  Here’s my response.  If you’ve been wrestling with the  Height Issue, or if you’ve been operating in a hard and fast way about it…I’d say…take another look.

Hubby Gil and I have been bringing couples together since 1990, and we’ve seen lots and lots of happy pairings with people who have bent or stretched on their height preferences and in doing so…took home the prize.

This is the very reason why I push on The Height Issue — because I’ve seen so many couples surmount the obstacle.  In Diana’s case, she’s 5′8 and she’s been frustrated that the 5′10 and 5′11 men whom we’ve introduced to her thus far just don’t seem tall enough or big enough for her preferences.   She wants to “feel” feminine and protected by her guy, and she experiences that much moreso when she’s with a man who’s at least a six footer.   Also she likes to wear heels, as many women do, and while I fully respect and understand and support her preferences, I don’t like to turn away her suitor who’s interested, attracted, jazzed to meet her, and who meets all of her other critical criteria, short of…um…an inch or two.

The average height of an American male is 5′9.  And it’s a common preference for women of all shapes and sizes to want her partner to be a tall man.  I’m currently working proactively for a woman who’s 5′4 and another who’s a tiny 5′1 and they both tell me they much prefer a man who’s 6′ or taller.  So…as you might imagine, the super tall men are more “in demand” and typically have lots more women available to them from which to choose.  It’s harder to find these tall men,  and it’s also harder sometimes to get them to commit to one woman, as they’ve got so many options. Truly… Same goes for the men who are super successful — it’s just a matter of “romantic market value” unfortunately.

So I feel it’s my duty and responsibility while my client is here with me to help her learn about the benefits of stretching on secondary, less critical criteria. It’s always OK with me if the client chooses not to bend or stretch, as long as he or she knows that we’re doing our part to provide the most fitting introductions we’re capable of lining up, and also as long as our client is willing to engage with us in these coaching discussions, making an effort to really explore the issues and meet us half-way in giving those who are interested and attracted a real shot.

Here’s Candi’s story.  She’s a LOT like Diana. Candi and I were classmates in high school and later, in her 30’s, she became my matchmaking client in St. Louis. She’s 5′10, and was a size 8-10 — in good shape, but definitely a bigger girl.  At the time when she signed on with me, Candi was insistent that her guy be  at least 6′0 and a big man, clearly someone who’d “outweigh” her. Oh, and she also refused to date a guy who was balding or who had facial hair of any kind. These criteria all on top of her other requirements that he be well educated, successful, fun, and funny, and on go for marriage and having kids. Candi’s a nice looking girl, who always had a lot going for her, but she’s admittedly never been a Penelope Cruz or Cameron Diaz. It was a tough six months Candi and I spent searching together, with lots of extra coaching sessions and emails, and there were times when I thought she’d just walk away, thinking we just didn’t “get it” about who she is and the type of person she wanted to be with. But…we were childhood friends, so she hung in there with me, giving me and my (sometimes annoying) coaching and guidance the benefit of the doubt. 

Midstream Candi’s company transferred to Washington D.C. and was thrown into a new office where she worked with a consultant named Bruce on an all-consuming project. They worked late nights together for months, and in the process, they got really comfortable with each other. Whereas initially she didn’t think twice about Bruce as a romantic contender, they eased into a wonderful friendship, and then…one day…on yet another late night work session, their eyes locked in a way they hadn’t ever before.

I just read this month in our school Class Notes update that Bruce and Candi have been married for 15 years now, they’ve got two kids together and she’s a loving step-mom to his daughter from his prior marriage. They’re both political analysts and have what they call a “dream life” in Virginia together with their 3 kids, their dogs, and their co-mingled work projects. Bruce is what she calls “5′10 on a tall day” and after having lost most of his hair, he now shaves it all off and she loves the look. She even reports kinda liking the goatee he tends to sport in the wintertime for ski season.

It’s stories like Candi’s that cause me to err on the side of being the pushy matchmaker, as I don’t want to see my client being the girl on the sidelines years later, wondering where all of the “good” men are. I’ve got files and files full of women who will only date the tall guy, and so, so, so many of them are still single, years later.

So, if I’m just a tad bit annoying about this particular topic, this is why. I want each and every person who’s seeking loving relationship to have every opportunity to create it as a reality.  When evaluating your romantic prospects, just keep focusing on the three of four qualities or characteristics that truly matter to you personally, and if these critical elements do exist in your current prospect…well then by all means, spend some time together and see what you think, see how you feel. 

I’d love to hear from some of you who’ve also experienced love working quite nicely with someone who seemed “off type” for you initially.  Email me your stories.  I”m all ears.   Julie@cupidscoach.com

Comments

  1. I was one who always wanted a taller larger man. Then I met my future husband and that went out the window. He is 8′ shorter than me and he’s absolutely perfect!!

  2. I’m responding to dating taller men. When I was younger I hated the thought of men shorter than myself. I loved to dance and I didn’t like to have them looking at my chest instead of my face as well as our knees always seemed to bump into each other.
    Now that I have matured I realize that there are many factors that make up a relationship, friendship being number one.
    I am 5’8” and I married a man 6 foot tall. We were friends first and the relationship grew. He was supportive while i moaned over my recent break-up with my boyfriend at the time. We laughed a lot and we were both a bit sarcastic with a quirky sense of humor.
    We were married for 47 years and he recently passed away in Oct. 2010.( Cancer) Everyone said it wouldn’t last.
    He was my buddy and helped me cart my paintings around to Art shows and waited around while I did the meet and greet. Took me all over the country to galleries and was my biggest fan. Loyal and steady, but still a challenge.
    Some guys just need a chance, whether short or tall. One date is only an hour or so of your time. You never know.
    Rita Joyce

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